Undone无果

by Anam Sufi 安楠·苏菲

原文地址

❤️点击就听大提提朗读版

Here is the truth. Exactly how I remember it. And perhaps in being so, it is inevitably undone.

这便是事实。正如我清楚地记着的那样。若真的如此,就是不可避免的无果。

Here when the hour is late and the bottle long gone. Where thoughts like constellations blur in and out of focus, nothing more than buoyant memories; aqueous melancholy. The shoreline recedes into darkness, betraying grains of the past. They catch light of the moon, giving song and sparkle to this late night tale. Here’s the truth, I swear. Word for word, picking through a pile of sedimentary emotion.

夜已深,酒已尽。当思绪如群星斑驳、恍惚之时,闪现的不过是些许欢愉记忆和如水的忧郁。潮水湮没于黑暗,露出曾经留下的条条纹理。它们乘着月色,赋予这深夜呓语以歌声与闪烁的光芒。这是真话,我发誓——一字一板,都将从沉积的情愫中精心挑选。

The crackle of fire, the cold in my bones and the pitter patter of rain takes me back. Echoes of footfalls crushing fallen leaves, all that’s left of the yellow wood. Racing back in time. Back to where it all started; the beginning of the end.

噼啪作响的壁炉、彻骨的寒冷和那淅淅沥沥的雨声将我带回过往。脚下踩过的落叶发出回响,剩下的只是光秃秃的黄色枝丫。回溯到那时。回到一切开始的地方。回到终结之初。

We’d set up camp between risk and consequence, reckless in a way that only youth can know. Our hearts a cursor, pulsing, eager to forge the story of our lives. There was no such thing as a photo without flash, a song without bass, or too much faith in the future. Little did we know.

我们在因果间徘徊,以年轻人独有的率真胡作非为。我们的心就像光标,跃动着,迫不及待地想完成一生的故事。这世上没有不经曝光的照片,没有无贝斯伴奏的歌曲,亦没有对未来的太多信念。我们知之甚少。

What happened over what is felt is of little consequence. The sheer impact of remaining impervious to desire. You to me; a hem caught by a hook in time. Inexplicably attached, like the deadweight subscription of newspapers in a digital world of click stories and shot glass love affairs.

比起能够感知的事情,所发生的事情影响甚微。影响至深的,便是逗留已久、无法撼动的渴望。你于我,是正当时被抓住衣角的诱惑。这是无法言说的爱意,正如由点击故事和风流韵事构成的数字世界中不想放弃订购的实体报纸。

The orchestra of our past carries on listlessly. Erratic, yet somehow segued. Like time.

我们旧时的乐曲萎靡地弹奏着。飘忽着,断断续续。就像时间那样。

And all of our choices, embalmed, incubate the senses. The smell of your skin, the sound of your breath, the question mark curve in your ear. Now these seem hollow, like the nape of your neck. Where once I touched and felt you.

我们将所有的抉择都铭记于心底,孕育着那些感受。你肌肤的味道、你呼吸的声音、你弯弯的耳廓——如今看来是多么空洞啊!就像你的后颈窝一样。那曾经是我抚摸和感知你的地方。

Alas, remember the end?

呀,还记得故事的最后吗?

Outside the Admiral※, I inhaled. I exhaled, reflecting. I didn’t notice you arrive. But you stood there alongside me as the rain fell down. “I don’t think this was a good idea,” I said, Lying.

阿德米罗酒吧外,我深吸一口气。然后呼气,陷入沉思。我没有注意到你来了。你就站在我旁边,任雨水落下。“我觉得这样不好。”我说,编织着谎言。

You shuffled your weight on both feet and I knew you wanted to say something. I didn’t let you, and you disappeared like mist, suspended in sight, betrayed by my grasp. How I wish I’d run after you and said:
“Hold me like you would a photograph. From the edges, and lightly.” Because anything more and I’d be stained; sullied by the desire of what would always and inevitably leave me undone.

你踌躇着。我知道你想说点什么。我没有让你说出口。你如薄雾一般消失了,在我的视线中悬着,无法抓住。我是多么希望我能追上你,然后对你说:“像抱住照片那样抱着我吧,从边上抱着,轻轻地抱着就好。”因为再多一点我便会沦陷;便会深深陷入对你的、义无反顾的渴望中——而这份渴望,注定无果。

※Admiral,目前查到比较靠谱的翻译是位于苏格兰格拉斯哥市的一家酒吧

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